Landmark Forum Addresses Relationships, Communication, Meaning of Life
It’s a great way to work on old relationships and start with a fresh outlook
Their relentless marketing is off putting to be honest
The Landmark Forum is a 3-day communication and life help workshop that is held around the nation.
The last day the main point was this: No one has ever impacted the world. Still wars, poor, sick people. Implication: Your life isn’t that important. So they do this in order to relieve pressure, stress, and more. Life really doesn’t matter.
Your identity is your word. You are the spoken word, not your thoughts.
Meaning: Don’t make meaning out of trivial things. Be the person you want to be; Be big. Do what you would die for
It all start with the Cycle of Frustration.
Summary of the Landmark Forum
It can’t hurt to apply yourself to any type of “self-help” situation. Landmark Forum is like any other educational platform – it is on a mission to empower. It’s an all, intensive, three day, corporate-style platform designed for anyone who desires to maximize their productivity, their peace, and overall, the self. There’s nothing bloated or flashy about it. The rooms have basic LCD TVs, plain tablecloths, bland & neutral coloring, and collapsable tables around which myself and the group gathered. It consists of storytelling, direct questioning of those stories, and worksheets with guided prompts. At its core I trust it for what it is as advertised: learning & development.
The Forum is satiated with consistent language, “New Realm of Possibility,” “transformation,” “constraint and breakthrough.” It’s a lot of words with very little tangible application. That’s okay. I had to realize (and it wasn’t immediate) there exists space beyond some of the structures of what I know, how I think, and the way I act. There exists the things we know. There exists the things we know that we don’t know. But the overwhelming majority of life consists of things that we don’t know that we don’t know. So, any meaning that we attach to life as we know it is to a great extent grossly uninformed. Yet we still so strict to attach to our reality! Landmark aims to free you from this trap beginning right away with Day 1.
Day 1: Rackets
“Rackets” represent an unproductive way of being. Rackets center on finding fault with one’s situation (mental, emotional, physical, or material). It’s the feeling that things should be different, that something shouldn’t be the way that it is, and that things should change. Rackets are a reaction to a real or imagined threat. Granted it comes with payoffs; for instance, you might get the gratification of feeling right. However, rackets trap you in deeper costs like feelings of incompletion and non-fulfillment.
I am capable of taking the past out of my future by removing my rackets. I can achieve clarity in this way. I built these narratives to explain my life and the experiences that fill them. In my past, when I’ve lost love I’ve justified – “I don’t need love,” “others are unworthy.” It’s manifested in anger and lonliness. I latched onto these explanations trying to rationalize. It became my reality but it didn’t need to be. We forget that it is us who create these interpretations and we live as though they are real. They become our reality and it is key to understand that the walls within which we confine ourselves to can be broken down. This is easy to see from the outside – it’s what makes it easy to see other people’s stories when they cannot see their own or give advice even when we can’t take it. But from the inside, you almost feel trapped. We live our lives sourcing any meaning or evidence that our realities are valid. This reality becomes our everything – it’s what grounds us. We want to justify ourselves more than let go and be free.
Day 2: Possibility
It took a day to fully come to terms with how my rackets manifested within myself. It’s not about changing the rackets. It’s about being aware of them and letting them me. I didn’t have to change myself, I could just be myself. If one thing is clear – WE NEED TO STOP FIXING. Whatever it is is perfect. Whoever I am is perfect. I accept it. I accept myself. We need to remove the mentality that we have to grow in a certain way. Letting go of that mindset is all the change we need. This is a means to finding tranquility and fulfillment. This opens the door to new possibility.
Not possibility as you know it, but a new type of possibility. It’s not speculative nor is it a reach for something that could be realized in the future. There is nothing to achieve and it is only when you realize this and lean into the unknown that you can unleash the power of creativity and explore new worlds with opportunities for action. Now living in the world of the unknown, I can tap into possibility and live with excitement, optimism, and passion. I can “bring forth the presence of a new realm of possibility for myself and for my life.” And so can you.
Day 3: Language
The only constraints in my life are my stories. Thankfully, I am the one telling them. I am the maker of the language that guides my feelings, my thoughts, and experiences. Thankfully, this means I can shift my paradigms and free myself. The Landmark Forum is helping me create, write, and listen to my own language. This helps me be acknowledge, remain aware, and interrupt some of the destructive habits that have suppressed me in the past. I now practice living life like I’ve found it on a blank slate.
To an extent, and this isn’t meant to be upsetting or depressive, the Landmark Forum teaches that your life (nor mine) is that important. Life doesn’t really matter. All meanings attached to life should be detached because none represents the absolute truth.
My 5 core takeaways:
There is no objective image of reality
Our quest to attach meaning to life can be destructive.
Strive for integrity by (re)creating what is true for you
Let go of what happens around you. Dedicate yourself to your reaction.
If I can make these changes, my power is not only stronger than I realized, it is limitless.
- Cycle of Frustration
That is one way to look at life and take pressure off of it. But I’m not sure it’s the way we want to live. Landmark Forum first addresses your rackets. Rackets are adverse repeatable reactions to certain events, aka cycle of frustration.
Cycle of frustration: Rackets
Strong suit, rackets, superstitions, always on listening leads to
Rackets = constant behavior + consistent response/reaction (Screach on chalkboard)
Payoff: Right, justification, almighty, domination) leads to a loss
Loss: Love, affinity, connection, emotion, understanding
They say blabla, you screatch. Everything else is a story; you create stories based on what people blablabla. i’m stupid, i’m not good enough etc.. (story comes from something in the past)
Once you accept what is as just being it – instead of thinking looking good or bad then perfectly being in moment. What is being said, doesn’t matter. (This correlates to vipassana – there is no good or bad
Tiredness exercise: Focus on the spot of being tired, focus, create a story why you are tired, place it and move away. Do over to each place. Tiredness vanishes. Its a mediation technique also in Vipassana.Can do both with physical and mental pain
- Dealing with others
Presenting a view with people you disagree: Here is a possible view not my view is right. Everyone has a legitimate absolute valuable view so have to respect it; World is big enough for all views
Then get agreement to get other people to agree with views otherwise, people shut down
How you React to Others:
Other People can’t shut you down and can’t help you or don’t know you are but you blame others when you don’t get what you want. Have to look at yourself and how you react
But remember I’m not my thoughts nor feelings; i’m who i say i am
Run checks like Air Force pilots
Racket is about them, their fault. Rackets are excuses
Take past out of future by removing the rackets
Rackets make you think people should be different but they aren’t and you have to love just way they are; Can’t make people wrong for what they do it’s how you react to what they do
Honoring word: Integrity (makes things work)
Don’t honor word but honor the circumstance (reason, rain, dog, etc…)
People choose or make up story over their word.
Integrity makes it work
Racket is about them, their fault. Rackets are excuses
Take past out of future by removing the rackets
Rackets make you think people should be different but they aren’t and yiu have to love just way they are
Can’t make people wrong for what they do
Your happiness has nothing to do with them
They are the way they are and not how you think they should be
There is no try – do or don’t
You can create your relationship
Have to be responsible for own humanity so take full responsibility for your relationships and your rackets
Not Forgiving is the desire to punish someone else but don’t punish someone else by not forgiving, you punish yourself. Its a racket and you get a payoff and then you lose.
Don’t hang on to the bananas (these are rackets from the past)
Always / Already on Listening:
Listening ahead, looking for an answer, intepreting what they are saying is not listening. Not being present. Take it for what exactly is said and not what it means. Listen fully and don’t interrupt!
Limits put on yourself due to superstitions – can’t do because this or that will happen (do you know the future already). Putting past in the future
Altering way world occurs is way to change behaviors
My sister is…vs occurs to me as
My mom is..my mom occurs to me.
Occurs is not absolute; it means there is a possibility.
If put the past or superstitions in the future, then there are no possibilities
Be Compassionate to others but hold to high regards standards
Genesis of identity leads to Strong Suits:
3 times in life something happens to give you powerful identity – it happens in childhood, youth, early adulthood. For me its pushed down stairs, left out of Russian games, and make money, relentless, Left out of Russian games; cheated on by 1st GF
Strong suits lead to a heads down life that you think makes you happy.
Then you think something is wrong and you want to constantly fix it but don’t know how to.
This is also a racket
My strong suits: Make money solves all, relentless, protect, obsessed
Whatever it is is perfect; whoever you are is perfect. I accept it
What you say to others: If you go out with me it will be awesome because I’m awesome
It’s not what you are doing but it’s who you are while you are doing it
Enrollment (Talk about in Advanced)
Asking someone to be a part of this new possibility or opportunity. Lets others to help you continue; powerful to get people interested in what you are doing in relationships and business. First share, then enroll.
If you have considerations then you can’t function like you are. Have to be unreasonable.
Love a life you love and stand for it
About Change – Life is Change:
Change is persistence; square changes to rectangle to circle to octagon
No change is disappearance; no change of something is nothing. don’t change the rackets just be aware and let them be. stop trying to change yourself; be yourself. Stop fixing yourself!
Create a new opportunity / possibility from nothing and you will create a new life for yourself.
Meaning making machines that mean nothing. People try to create meaning out of pointless things.
Life is empty and meaningless so don’t create meaning out of so many trivial things
Zen Koens: Sound of one hand clapping
Thinking bout choice vs decision:
Choice is because I chose
Decision is based on deterimants that were eradicated (–cide, homicide, suicide)
I choose not because i decided based on x,y,z (no reasons, because its a choice)
Life comes at you in many ways, it may give you options a,b,c, but you have your own choice though. It doesn’t have to be those. It can be what you choose. Because you say. Your word matters. First there was the word.
Once you have a possibility and what happens isn’t expected then you thing something is wrong. Well, maybe nothing is wrong. You just had a breakdown. This leads to action to using tools to go back or fix the possibility. Remember, there is nothing ever wrong. Its how you interpret the breakdown.
Thinking or thoughting
See yourself in others
Already / always on listening (not anticipating or listening ahead)
Blind spots are things you don’t know. Impacted by stories / rackets / superstitions
Be the person you want to be
Do what you would die for
‘Put it on your face ‘ which means to
Acknowledge everyone – in life acknowledge people too.